I sat on the old iron chair in your garden and waited, smoking, the rain starting to drizzle down around me. It took you 15 minutes to get home, I was shivering a bit by then and you pulled me close to warm me up, kissing me and opening the door to get us inside and out of the weather.I sat at your kitchen table as you turned up the heating and put on the kettle for some coffee. We'd both been out at Christmas parties and the tequila (mine) and the wine (yours) was making us both a little sleepy. It was less awkward this time, partly because of the alcohol we'd both consumed and partly because of the darkness, I've always felt more at home in the night.You liked my shoes, you said as I leant over and slipped them off slowly, your eyes following my movement as my dress gaped to show a little cleavage. I hung my coat over the back of the chair and you got your first full look at my new dress, I could see that it pleased you, red, low cut, very short, with strategic black lack inserts.. We all love you but not your actions."I looked at George Jr. and said, "Your dad said that after what I did to him?" and I started crying again. "God, what have I done to my life?"I kissed all my kids and told them how much I loved them, and would like to see them before they went home. They said they were going to have breakfast with their father in the morning, that I was welcome to join them but said, "Please, mom, don't bring your boyfriend."I told them I would see if I could make it. Then I headed back over to the table with Dixie, Joe and Paul. I asked Paul if we could leave the reunion; I have had enough for one evening. Dixie and Joe decided to leave also; the crowd was just staring to much at all of us. I knew we were the topic of all the conversations.Paul and I went up to the room. As soon as we got there Paul wanted to make love. Really all he wanted was sex, so I pulled away telling him that what I need now was love and compassion. I needed to be held; I needed to be.
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